I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
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We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
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He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize