totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
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It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Couch. On fire.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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