I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
And then he peed in my hair
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