I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
