this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
