If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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