don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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