matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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