when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It's shark week go big or go home
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
