In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
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There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
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You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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