Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
This couple is walking their pig around campus
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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