Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize