If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
