i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
