He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
