Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
