this just has baby written all over it
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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