I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
