So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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