I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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