maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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