I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
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So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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