Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We need to get me chipped asap
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
