Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
