The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
