maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize