Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
