I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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