Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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