3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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