and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
