Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
