I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
