she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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