You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
