so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
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we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
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So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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