Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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