I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
