if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
