I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I need to sanitize my soul.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
