Is it because I queefed?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
