i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
