my room smells like sperm. sweet.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
