I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
