hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
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the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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