My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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