For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
