I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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