I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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