What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
