Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
