Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Randomize
