whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
