White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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