I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
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5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
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So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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