i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize