I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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