google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
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He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
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You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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