Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
