how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Say something about gay babies.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
