so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
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Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
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You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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