He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
